Do You Have Any Friends?

A recent Sunday New York Times headline with an accompanying picture of a trashed filled apartment struck a chord in my spirit. “The Lonely Life of George Bell” was the story of a man who lived in the middle of New York City but died alone. It was only the aroma of his death, first detected by a neighbor, which led police to enter his apartment.

It was something that police investigator Mr. Plaza said, a divorcee with no children, that got me thinking about relationships. He said, “When I die someone will find out the same day or the next day. Since I have worked here, my list of friends has gotten longer and longer. I don’t want to die alone.”

Neither do I. While I am grateful for a loving family and a healthy list of friends, I know that is not the case for everyone. And to be candid, it is hard work and as the years fly by the friends list does shrink. The circumstance of our lives change, people move, jobs are fleeting and the work of relationships gets tiring. It is a bit sobering to think that we all have the potential of dying very much alone if we do not make relationships an enduring priority.

Here are a few suggestions to increase the number of people who will enhance your life and bring joy to those inevitable final days.

Be curious about people. See their goodness, their uniqueness. Lean towards people. Smile, engage and be unafraid of getting to know new people. Everyone has an interesting life story. While you will not be friends with everyone you meet, you will find a few that will ease their way into your “favorites” contact list. As the saying goes, you won’t catch a fish if you don’t cast a line.

Be committed. Loyalty is a rare gem in our transient culture and it is the hard work of relationships. Loyalty will lead us to stay and not run. Loyalty will be a discipline, the patient working through of the offences, the wrongs, the hard things that can break a friendship.

Be forgiving. We are not perfect. We all carry imperfections, imbalance, brokenness, quirks, and the natural tendency to do wrong before right. Without forgiveness a relationship will not survive. Remember forgiveness does not forget. Our minds retain the hurts…our brain is the hard drive of our memories. But forgiveness means that I will not bring up the wrong again. It is gone. It is buried and will never be mentioned again. Can you do this? If so, strong relationships will be the norm in your life.

Be a friend. All that you want in a friend be that yourself. Treat others how you wish to be treated. Your interest, loyalty, and forgiving spirit will be returned to you by those seeking the same.